As this new year begins I join the ranks of all those feeling introspective, optimistic, and a lot cliche.

2011 was the year of doing things in my own strength. Which also meant not doing a lot of things I should have been doing. I’m not entirely sure why I couldn’t seem to snap out of this pattern of behaviour, but no matter what astoundingly relevant book I read, no matter what goals I set, no matter how earnestly I begged the Lord to wake up my heart.. I still just kept plugging along on my own effort. Again and again and again this past year I remembered that all the effort I have to make is to open my Bible each day, to run to Jesus. The strength and joy for the rest flows from Him, through me. And yet, morning after morning I would wake up, look at my Bible, and choose the news instead. Or Facebook. Or a visit or phone call with a friend. Or cleaning. Or my kids. Or a blog. What a struggle of a year… I’m deeply sad at the amount of wasted time 2011 held for me.

Deeply sad and intensely motivated to wake up on January 1st, 2013 feeling differently.

So yes, I have lots of ideas and goals to try new things this year. I want more action, less wasted time. But more than all those goals/plans/ideas… I long to have a year of relationship with Him.

And so, yet again from last year…

“My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed, but that now as ever I may do honour to Christ in my own person by fearless courage.”
Philippians 1:20 (MOFFAT)

“My Utmost for His Highest. “My eager desire and hope being that I may never feel ashamed.” We shall all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus on the point He has asked us to yield to Him. Paul says–”My determination is to be my utmost for His Highest.” To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender on that point. An over-weaning consideration for ourselves is the thing that keeps us from that decision, though we put it that we are considering others, When we consider what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He does not know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point; He does know. Shut out every other consideration and keep yourself before God for this one thing only–My Utmost for His Highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone.

My Undeterredness for His Holiness. “Whether that means life or death, no matter! (See 1:21) Paul is determined that nothing shall deter him from doing exactly what God wants. God’s order has to work up to a crisis in our lives because we will not heed the gentler way. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him, and we begin to debate; then He produces a providential crisis where we have to decide– for or against, and from that point the “Great Divide” begins.
If the crisis has come to you on any line, surrender your will to Him absolutely and irrevocably.”

Day 1 of My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

Dear Lord, may I be found faithful in 2012.

Here is to a year of surrender!