Jon had his appointment and booked his reversal! June 19th is the big day!!
We still haven’t heard back from his doctor about his blood work, but we’ve sent away our deposit cheque in faith that we truly have heard God’s leading on expanding our family. I feel nearly complete peace in regards to Jon’s health, I’m not sure if it is partially numbness and disbelief that our life could take such a tragic turn, or just 100% peace from God that our future is securely in His hands and that His plans are for our good not our destruction. Either way, until we hear differently we are looking ahead to a bright future. The loss of the illusion of control reveals even more clearly that it is God every day who holds us together, whether we acknowledge it or not, and so I have no more reason to fear tomorrow than I did 2 weeks ago before his doctor’s office called.
We’ve been pretty careful in our conversations to not romanticize having another baby, until last night that is. Last night for a few minutes we got kinda gushy about baby smells and squishy bodies and nursing and first smiles and little voices baby talking and quirky new personalities… the day after we booked his reversal I had a little panic session wondering if we were crazy… babies are a lot of work and so many things will change. But then I remembered that we wouldn’t be having just a baby- it would be OUR baby. (and I don’t mean to insinuate that it’s blood ties that make a baby ours, just that he or she will be a God ordained and gifted to us Sodeman baby.) The love and wonder of OUR babies trumps all the change and work and really makes it seem silly to fear.