When I took a test again this time I was sure. I woke up at 5 in the morning and in the quiet I read the results and confirmed my knowing. Baby makes 5.
When I discovered 3 months into our marriage I was expecting our first (sadly ended in miscarriage), I was terrified. I wasn’t ready, I was the sole income earner in our family at the time, and oh gee… we JUST got married and were still getting to know each other!
When I discovered I was expecting Justus, it was the month before we planned to start trying, I fell to the floor and wept in a total state of wonder. I had struggled after the miscarriage and through the years we decided to wait before trying again, and now God had given me this precious gift, a teensy early, which saved me from the drama of trying. I knew in my heart right away it was a boy, and was giddy with thankfulness for him.
When I discovered I was expecting Juno… hmmm. I don’t know if I even remember what I thought. I had just gone back to work, Justus wasn’t coping well with daycare and my in-laws were visiting for a month. We wanted another so they would be close together and so I didn’t have to have my baby in daycare for too long before I could get off work again. I felt very very sick pretty well right from the start, and so I was pretty sure it must be a girl this time. I know I was thankful and excited, everything was going just according to our dreams.
This time… the best way to describe my emotions is that I feel deeply satisfied, joyful, and incredibly calm. We longed and prayed and waited and prayed and made doctors appointments, went through surgery, waited some more… and now… thank you Lord for this new little life.
After I read the results I went back and laid in bed, just dreaming and planning and feeling thankful.
Then I got to wake Jon up and tell him his swimmers swam.