Life

the good wife’s guide

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So last week’s resolution was to attempt to follow the very old fashioned “Good Wife’s Guide”. I should have picked a calmer week for it though… we had company with us for a few days, 3 nights out in a row, followed by a weekend youth retreat that didn’t have us sharing quarters. But here is my report card anyway:

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
I think I did had dinner ready every night when he got home, and I tried a few new recipes that he liked. I give myself an A for this one.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
hmmm. No ribbon in my hair. And not entirely sure how fresh I looked every night, although I did put forward a bit more effort. I’d say this one was more of a B grade attempt.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
I think I was more upbeat this week, despite still fighting a nasty cough/cold. I was definitely more interesting this weekend, though I’m not sure if he found this to be a positive thing.  B+ for this one.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
I didn’t do the dust cloth thing, but I did run around and pick up a bit before he came home each night.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
I did this!!!! Once. I tried a second time on a night we were going to be home together, but a good, lasting fire eluded me. Kindling shortage. I have to say that this truly did give me immense personal satisfaction… though I’m not sure if it was in providing a haven of rest and order or just satisfying the hidden pyro in me.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
haha. my children do not have a mute button.

Be happy to see him.
Always.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
I’m not the wife that runs to the door when he gets home (though YES I have read a million books that say I should), but I DID try to come to greet him with a hug and a smile this week, and I have to say that *I* enjoyed that. I don’t like the idea of bombarding him before he can even get his coat off and fighting the kids for his attention, but the hugs were very nice, so I might have to make this one more of a habit.

And… this is the part of the show where things get REALLY sexist. Please note that this is all in fun…

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
I do try…. but my long, detailed, fascinating stories have been storing up for like 10 hours!!! 🙂 I love to hear my husband talk, I wish I was a better listener so he would do more of it.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Actually… I think this is one I do well on most of the time. Sexism aside… my husband is very respectful of our family time, so when he can’t be home or has to be late, I know this truly IS minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
F

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
F (my voice was husky and low, but I wouldn’t call it soothing and pleasant, what with a hacking, phlegmy cough interrupting every few minutes . TMI? Just the truth peeps, just the truth.)

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
Haha… pretty sure my Jon given nickname “Correcto” speaks to what grade I should get for this one….

A good wife always knows her place.
I might have gotten a passing grade for this one if it weren’t for this weekend. Unless my place is filling my husband’s bed with live crickets… in that case A++++++++
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Boooooooo-YA. 30 or so hoppy little surprises, juuuuust for you.

I think I might need a do-over on this resolution.

But I sure do love my husband… as he would say… #BLESSED.

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14 Comments

  • Reply Jon January 23, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Oh my goodness.

    You could be a little more gay when I get home.

    I’m supposed to get cool or warm drinks upon my arrival? After all these years….

    • Reply Christa January 23, 2012 at 11:09 am

      tonight. what’ll it be? cool or warm?

      Not making any promises on how gay I will be.

  • Reply Janine January 23, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    I am killing myself laughing at work (lunchtime). This may be one of my all-time favourite posts.

    If it makes you feel better I could easily give myself an “F” in big red marker for every single category.

  • Reply Lisa @ Just the 6 of us January 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Nice one on the crickets!!!! For that you should definitely get an A+! But where did you find live crickets this time of year??? And does putting them in his bed fall into the good wife ‘Make him comfortable’ category? Or the ‘His boring day might need a lift and you are the one to provide it’ category? hahaha

    Well all in all I think he’s a pretty lucky guy to have you, crickets and all!

    • Reply Christa January 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      pet store. this one took a bit of planning. 🙂

  • Reply Leanne January 23, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    By the way… ‘don’t complain if he stays out all night…’ Whaaaaaaaaa??

    • Reply Christa January 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

      you just gotta be thankful he came home at all!

  • Reply Leanne January 23, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Shucks hunny, I shore hope ya injoyed yaself lasnaat. I waz sittin here all gay-like waitin for ya’s, but ya never did show. Even prayticed ma low, soothin voice to tell ya I’d take yer shoes fer ya. Wasn’t even gonna complain ’bout yer stinkin feet. the chicken wuz darn good, kidz an I licked the bones right clean. We shore had a gay ol’ tiyme. Loud as locusts we was! ..say hunny…you goin’ out late agayn tamorra night??

    • Reply Christa January 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

      Ha! You kill me!

  • Reply gottabekd January 23, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I was waiting for the crickets to come into play! I’m very grateful we don’t do this to each other but at least we have lizards to eat the crickets! As for being gay for Jon, well, I’m sure he’s grateful you’re not! 🙂

  • Reply gottabekd January 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    I was going to say- pet store. We buy them ALL the time! Gotta buy the smaller ones because the bigger ones chirp and keep you up all night. Gives our winter home a summer feel.

    • Reply Christa January 23, 2012 at 7:39 pm

      THAT’s why they weren’t noisy. I did buy the medium-large ones, but they still probably weren’t big enough to chirp. Couldn’t figure out why they were so quiet.

  • Reply gottabekd January 23, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Yeah, once they hit the one-inch stage, then they chirp. Only the males though. The females have that pokey thing sticking out of their bum, called an ovipositor. Really, I know more about crickets than I should, and when I told Mark about what you did to Jon, he said, “Wow, I can put them in your suitcase for Jamaica!” Too bad I’m leaving just as we’re waking up, a little hard to smuggle into our bed and leave crickets for him!

  • Reply Jen January 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Oh my, this made me laugh! I would fail on most of these…I won’t let the hubby see this or he might expect more. 😉
    I really should try just a teensy bit harder on a couple of these though.
    Does “be happy to see him” include being happy he’s home so that he can entertain the kids b/c they’re driving me bonkers and I can’t get supper started? (No, seriously, I am always very happy to see him.)

    Leanne…loved your comment! You have such a way with your words…the way you write with your drawl…you crack me up! 🙂

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