A new journey – 4

I’m not blogging very much right now in real time. I find it hard to not write about one of the biggest things on my heart these days – our future family.

This morning out of the blue Juno asked me if I was going to have a baby soon. (and no, it wasn’t due to the size of my stomach, thank you very much!) Another friend texted to ask on the Sodeman baby latest. Nothing new… still waiting until March 28th to meet with the urologist to discuss a reversal. It’s actually a really good time frame so far… but there are definitely days when it doesn’t seem soon enough, as well as some days when it feels too soon! 🙂 I still have my days of doubt… sometimes I think how lovely our life is… because IT IS. SO. LOVELY. Our kids are funny, and fairly self sufficient, and cuddly and sweet and generally happy and healthy. So some days I wonder why we need to rock the boat… it’s a pretty good ride as it is. lol

I think when we decided we wanted 2 kids, a big part of me made that decision based on what I considered manageable. Having those 2 kids has taught me that 2 kids is manageable, and… totally isn’t. With 2 kids I do have free time and space to myself and one hand to grab 2 shirt collars when absolutely necessary. 🙂 But… kids aren’t “manageable” as a rule. They are their own little persons- with wills, likes/dislikes, dreams, quirks, desires, styles and futures. They don’t always fit into the little cookie cutters I had planned for them. 🙂 But that’s what has made this motherhood journey so life altering and delightful.

I’m still battling my desire for manageable. Perhaps that is why God is pressing this baby business on our hearts- maybe He needs to hack a giant ax into all my manageable thoughts- make sure I know for certain for certain that NOTHING in this life is manageable without Him. I don’t have it covered, but He certainly DOES.


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