room for some spark

Ok so, yesterday I decided to leave the post off with only the starting point for the spiritual. Bottom line is that no matter my circumstances, what I chose to do with my life, or whether I have any sort of “spark”– if I’m not living with complete trust in God’s love for me, then it ain’t much of a life! That is going to be a huge focus for me this year… praying for my heart to be awakened, revived, and to rekindle a radical and ruthless trust that I am unconditionally loved by God.

I also read this blog post the other day and it was stuff I know, but was very freeing to be reminded of…

How to Find God’s Will for Your Life

No one else words things just so like Edie does for me.

“Guess what? God sees your everyday, menial tasks as sacred work. You are His hands and feet at work in the world. That meal you cooked yesterday? It was for Jesus. Those ten diapers you changed? As unto the Lord. And someday, you’ll stand in heaven and say, Lord, when did I make cheeseburger soup for you? And he’ll say WHEN YOU DID IT FOR THE LEAST OF THESE. You are without a doubt, right smack dab in the middle of God’s will when you are doing all the things you do everyday to serve the people around you.
You don’t have to join a big movement. You don’t have to be part of the in crowd. You don’t have to have a big important job that everybody notices. Because the God of the universe has been pleased to use your good works to serve your neighbour.”


So there is relief in that. This lovely, hard working man and 2.5 rascals kicking around the place ARE my calling. I don’t need to stress about having some grand important job that everyone recognizes as valid and wonderful because the God of the universe is pleased to use my good works to serve my neighbour. There is a RIGHTNESS for me about being a stay at home, homeschooling wife and mom.


Lyle wasn’t all wrong either. He encouraged me to think about a part time job, or planning exciting weekend white water rafting or something with my husband. To find opportunities to explore the part of me that longs for adventure, change, excitement and grown ups. And you know, God did create me with that side.

Some ideas that cropped up were possibly new hobbies? And filling time with things you enjoy is a good change and addition to the daily grind. But I’m not entirely sure that is the answer I am looking for. I’ve never really met a hobby yet that just makes my heart sing.

Maybe that part time job he mentioned? But that’s a bit tricky too with working around Jon’s schedule and the kids, I think in the end it would add way more stress and hassle than the joy it provided me.

So far the closest I feel like I’ve come to an actual idea is maybe a course? A correspondence writing course maybe? Or some kind of lessons- horseback riding when I’m not pregnant anymore? Or??? I don’t even know. I’m not particularly coordinated, so I can’t dance, play music, etc. But some growing in some kind of creative expression seems like a good way to wake myself up. I really believe heaven will be full of exploring and creating, and there is something precious in that desire to create and experience that He placed in all of us. I’m interested in ordering the book A Million Little Ways because I think it may expand some of these thoughts in a helpful way. I loved Emily’s writing in Grace for the Good Girl. But at some point I will have to get off my duff and do, not just read about it. 🙂

I have a feeling this next year with a new baby will be in some ways a waker-upper too. The adrenaline of living half in survival mode- half in bliss of new creation mode… it will be a change. It’s a temporary “fix”, so I’m not going to rely on popping out babies to keep me distracted, lol, but I will recognize it for the gift it will be.

I’m also hoping that even just having my eyes more opened to the giving up thing will help me make decisions that aren’t giving up decisions. Know what I mean? A little effort, a lot of prayer, eyes opened to look for ways to add some zest back to life.

So anyway. I hope I don’t paint too drab a picture. At this point I feel quite hopeful. A problem recognized is like half solved, right? 🙂 I don’t know if I’ll ever really be living as an “off-road”er, but I do think there is a little room in my life for some spark.

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  • Reply Lisa January 9, 2014 at 4:05 am

    So glad to see that you are back blogging!!

    I check your blog often and I am so encouraged by your honesty!

    Love ya

  • Reply Debbie January 9, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Wishing you a healthy dose of spark Christa! 😀

  • Reply Rosemary January 11, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    Oh Christa, I struggled so with this for so many years…wanting to be fulfilled or sparked by something outside of myself. I wish I could go back and reclaim some of those years with my children that I wished to be doing something more, but I prayed for God to restore some of what I thought had been broken (by me) and He did just that…he gave me sweet relationships with my boys that I could not have dreamed of in those days. I’m not sure if I was just overwhelmed or if I don’t connect so well with younger children but it seemed as if I was living outside of my life (and then there were the days were I drove down the road and sobbed for hours). It all seems so far away now. The poem you quoted in your previous post says it can’t force the blossom open. And the changes that came in my life, came through God working through me…sometimes I wonder if He allows these lean times to teach us to search for Him, because it was only through becoming close to Him by going through some pretty painful trials that I actually have come to the place where I feel as if I am fulfilled in Him and therefore everything else. When He brought me to a place physically where I could not do anything for myself and could only rely on Him and others, then I released myself to Him.
    I struggled with the concept I learned at Harvest that our purpose is to glorify Him…it was new to me as I had come from a background of Will Worship and that our purpose was to glorify God through the winning of converts. In fact, growing in your relationship with Him so you could glorify Him was openly mocked in my old place so it was a hard thing for me to learn but now I see that everything we do glorifies Him and it’s only when we do it in Him that it truly fills that need to be fulfilled or have that spark in your life. I can remember when my daughter first left me and I felt so alone and far from God even though I had been learning to depend on Him so much in the last few years before. I can remember texting my friend Deanna and telling her…I feel far from God and her answer was: He is waiting for you to draw near. I rayed to feel near to Him and a week later I got kidney stones and He allowed me to go to a place where I could do nothing but cry out to Him for 2 weeks. My relationship with Him has grown sweeter and as a result my other relationships have as well.
    I think it would be good for you to listen the the series When Life is Hard by James Mc Donald and get your hands on a workbook and do all the homework…that series changed my life. I have it if you want to borrow it. I know that you are blessed and feel blessed but I know the feeling of emptiness all to well and it’s a hard place to be because you feel all wrong being there. As I sit here in this duplex, unorganized and cramped I know I could not have been happy here years or even months ago. And remember Leo’s message about drinking in God’s Word with a jug or even a water truck? That has been key for me…the more I read, the greater the joy! I pray I’ve been some help to you….the door is always open for coffee if you wish. I still feel as if God put you and Jon in my life as spiritual children and that you were given to me as a spiritual daughter. Love and prayers to you both!

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